tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27075700760123353242024-03-05T23:49:27.773-08:00EazYjoE: Rant"Poking fun at the inconsistencies of the world"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-16767163956560273612012-11-19T13:09:00.001-08:002013-02-13T16:41:31.395-08:00Conversation starters Life could be so much easier if we could meet people on the fly, and some social lovers have no problem doing just that. I, like many, have a problem coming up with funny and engaging topics so I sometimes keep a cheat sheet of conversation starters handy for rough times. So next time you are stuck trying to talk to that cute chick at the party and run out of interesting things to talk about try one of mine!<br />
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<ul>
<li><u>Things you have done while drunk</u>. Some of us could go for days on this subject. Have you ever gotten lost on your way home from the bar and had to call someone for directions to your own home?</li>
<li><u>Your favorite/most hated reality show</u>. We all have a favorite and a most hated, from the Real World to American Idol and everyone seems to have an opinion one way or the other.</li>
<li><u>Belief of ghosts or aliens</u>. You can potentially get some weird answers here. Been probed lately?</li>
<li><u>Pranks</u>. Have you ever had a funny prank played on you? How about one you've played on someone? Don't be afraid to bring back those memories from summer camp!</li>
<li><u>Your favorite cuss word</u>. Many people cuss, and discussing one's favorite uses of their beloved cuss words can lighten the mood. If people don't cuss then they will usually have words they use instead which can be interesting as well.</li>
<li><u>Pets</u>. Pet lovers will always have something to talk about and those that don't like pets can yap about their hate for the furry little ingrates.</li>
<li><u>Make shit up</u>! Examples: "If you were on a deserted island, name one thing you couldn't do without", "If you could only eat one type of food for the rest of your life, what would it be?"etc...The odder the question, the better the answers will be.</li>
<li><u>Pet Peeves</u>. Everybody has one, what's yours?</li>
<li><u>Birthdays!</u> Something we all have, right? Well, questions like what did you do on your last b-day?, where did you go & with whom did you spend it with? can get some wonderful conversation starters and some unexpected answers, too!</li>
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These are just a few I had in mind to see if I could get conversation going here. What are the oddest things you use to start conversations?</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-76550074201652135402012-11-17T02:08:00.001-08:002012-11-17T02:08:25.437-08:00To Secede or Not to Secede? Have you already signed the petition to secede? Before you do, maybe you would like to read up a little bit on the long forgotten Civil War. Remember that one? That was the war where half of the country wanted to secede from the union and the other half decided to kick the dog shit out of them and then wiped their noses in it for even thinking that they could ever be independent. In fact, there is a law that states that seceding is illegal! I would be willing to bet that it would happen again. What I'm wondering is why, exactly, people would want to secede from the U.S. in the first place? Let's weigh some pros and cons, shall we?<br />
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<b>PROS</b></center>
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<li><b>Individual economies. </b>Having individual economies would make it so that each ex-state would be on the hook for their own financial success or failure. If an ex-state did well they wouldn't have to give a "kickback" to the U.S. to help the ones who didn't fair as well. Those that didn't have strong economies would possibly be more motivated to rectify the situation if there was no country to prop them up.</li>
<li><b>Increased States Rights. </b>Some states are constantly at odds with the government's laws, take marijuana for example. It is now legal in several states, (13 I think...I could probably remember better if I didn't smoke so much) but is still TECHNICALLY illegal. At any time the federal government can intervene and lock people up over it. Seceding would solve these issues in a heartbeat. With a state government each state would be responsible for making the laws that they are comfortable with.</li>
<li><b>State Military. </b>Each State would eventually have their own military, and along with it the say so of whether or not to get involved with other countries' wars. Since there are plenty of people who would rather not be in overseas wars, this could be a good thing.</li>
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<li><b style="font-weight: bold;">Individual economies. </b>Just as this could be considered a pro, it can be considered a con. If the state cannot support itself, it will have nothing to fall back on. Say goodbye to SSI, EBT, Medicaid, USDA, etc...</li>
<li><b>State Constitution. </b>Each state would have to make their own constitution. Some my allow slavery again, others could ban guns, and still others might be more socialist in their approach. It could get confusing real quick.</li>
<li> <b>Civil War, Anyone? </b>Without being in the Union the United States could EASILY come up with a reason to invade.</li>
<li><b>New Leaders. </b>You think that our officials are corrupt? How about if the state next to yours decides to elect a warlord, dictator, or some other wacko that wants to invade your state?</li>
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In my opinion the U.S. would never allow any one state to secede. It would result in one large clusterfuck anyway. What we should be focusing on is getting ourselves and our government working together instead of bickering like a couple of four year olds fighting over the last cookie. But, alas, that will probably never happen either.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-34482270144730918422012-11-12T19:46:00.000-08:002012-11-12T19:48:07.461-08:00What's the Deal With..<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbqve3uxuGFOT06wiqRKNzqfkzrUrkMJw7CKOKE7uFsK6m711nP8K-FWwFFVsUZFmEmrp6s2RvE1bDsqpzXe7U95VPs776Z5yRhS2mFjJlqlBj_m8cBOh50iSnB580WMOpSA_SeagbFds/s1600/ID-10097392.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="confusion" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbqve3uxuGFOT06wiqRKNzqfkzrUrkMJw7CKOKE7uFsK6m711nP8K-FWwFFVsUZFmEmrp6s2RvE1bDsqpzXe7U95VPs776Z5yRhS2mFjJlqlBj_m8cBOh50iSnB580WMOpSA_SeagbFds/s320/ID-10097392.jpg" title="Confusion" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/">www.freedigitalphotos.net</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We all run across many confusing things throughout the course of our day. Things that make us ask who, where, why, how, what's the deal with that, and WTF?<br />
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So what's the deal with black comedians who refuse to upgrade their material? You know the ones...The ones who still do the whole "A black guy walks this way and a white guy walks like this" shtick. Isn't this humor a bit outdated yet? I will admit that I found it funny when Richard Prior or Eddie Murphy did it, you know, about thirty years ago. Nowadays when comedians pull out these relics I quickly find something else to do. Write some new material already!<br />
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What's the deal with the people who can't accept your answer to anything? These are the people who, when you tell them you are an Independent, they ask if you lean democratic or republican. Tell them you're Atheist, they say "you mean Agnostic?" If you ask for a large at Starbuck's they ask if you mean Grande..I don't care you coffee jockey, just pour me some damn coffee! These are the kind of people who you want to punch after talking to them for two seconds. Douches!<br />
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What's the deal with inflation? This concept is something I refuse to grasp. For thousands of years civilization had gotten along just fine without continuously jacking up prices year after year for no apparent reason at all. The last hundred or so years someone decided that we don't need to follow the proven formula anymore, and the shit hit the fan. I blame it all on greedy people.<br />
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Who the hell does Donald Trump think he is, and why does the media think we care about his opinions and views? He is a greedy businessman who "started" his career by borrowing 100 million from his father. Give me the opinion of a guy who started a billion dollar company in his basement and keep this greedy fellow with a raccoon hairpiece off the air and out of the news, thank you.<br />
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When are we going to come to the realization that a global economy just isn't good for the United States? I mean, you can have sex with a U.S. hooker for $50, and a hooker in Thailand for $1, but the Thailand chick will leave you with a little something nasty! Stick with the U.S., it may cost more but is better for your health in the long run.<br />
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What's the deal with new medications having worse side effects than the thing they are supposed to be treating? It seems that every other pill commercial on T.V. is for something simple like a rash, but the side effects include watery bowel syndrome, puss filled toenail juice, chronic brain failure, and the like. WTF?<br />
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So what's bugging you today? Post your "What's the deal with.." comments below.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-61680351756325843572012-11-09T22:19:00.000-08:002012-12-11T20:37:25.200-08:002012 For thousands of years people have been alluding to the end of the world, but is the end upon us now? I doubt it., though I do believe that we may soon be in for a rough ride here on our beautiful blue planet. Here are some of the reasons why:<br />
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<li><u><b>The Mayan Calendar</b></u>-The Mayan Calendar states that there have been three worlds before us,and that we are living in the fourth. It is very specific that there will be some changes come Dec. 21, 2012, but does not actually state that the world will end. According to them there have been worlds before, and will be worlds after, and that is the opposite of END.</li>
<li><b><u>The Alignment of the Planets</u></b>-Our most current astronomers have noted that the center of the Milky Way galaxy will cross with the path of our sun, aligning with the planets, specifically at 11:11 GTM on 12/21/12. Now, I don't know much about what this will do to us, but I do know a little about gravity. I do know that the gravity from our own moon causes our planet to alter its shape daily, hence the rising and falling of the tides. That inkling of knowledge leads me to believe that there may be some seriously bad effects from EVERYTHING aligning. </li>
<li><b><u>Super Volcano</u></b>- According to historians and geologists the Yellowstone National Park is part of a super volcano that erupts around every 600,000 years. It has been 640,000 since it has last erupted. It has been proven that when this thing goes off it negatively affects every inch of the Americas (North and South) coating them with ash and harmful chemicals. Geologist have shown that the last eruption spread ash all the way to Europe, most likely causing crop and livestock failure.</li>
<li><b><u>Solar Flares</u></b>- Occasionally our sun kicks out a little burp of radiation that can have adverse reactions to our radio and electrical systems. I believe that, without services like electric, phone, and radio our lives will soon go downhill. The upside is that these effects are not permanent, and only last for as long as it takes to repair the damages. Clearly not an end to the world as we know it.</li>
<li><b><u>Unknown Planet?</u></b>-Spread across written time there are no less than four religions that chronicle the passing of an unknown and rogue planet. The Sumerians, Christians, Egyptians, and the Celtic all relate to a planet that comes near us from time to time...could they all be wrong about a planet coming so close to Earth? </li>
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No matter what happens to us, I believe that the human race will preserve and endure for some time to come. I think that these things have occurred time and time again, and yet we are still here. We will not only endure, but pass on our knowledge and legacy to the next generation just as we have for the last hundred thousand years..VIVA the human race!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-11682574094463550592012-11-07T18:52:00.000-08:002012-11-07T18:52:28.112-08:00I Never Outgrew Cartoons Remember back in the day when you would cozy up to the television set to watch cartoons on a bright Saturday morning? You would still be in your footie p.j.'s, and eating a bowl of cereal with not a care in the world. What happened to some of you? Did you let your inner child slowly die as you grew hair in your naughty places?<br />
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Well, I never did! That's right, I still watch cartoons! Not only do I watch a good amount of the "Adult" cartoons on channels like Adult Swim, but I can occasionally be caught watching some of the more childish cartoons on Nick, too. I don't care, and I won't stop!<br />
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Now, I know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself that the cartoons today are nothing like what we had growing up. Well, your wrong! Not all of these cartoons are the fluffy-feel-goods that they portray them to be. Some will have you pissing your pants like the wino at the corner store.<br />
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So go put on your favorite Jammy-Jams, pour yourself some Cocoa Puffs, grab a seat on the floor in front of the good 'ole t.v., and try to take in at least one of these new-age gems. Relax! You'll thank me for it later.<br />
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<li><b>The Looney Tunes Show:</b> These are all the same characters that you grew up loving!</li>
<li><b>Hey Arnold: </b>If you can't catch the show try for the movie.</li>
<li>For those of you who like the superhero cartoons, try <b>Young Justice</b> (comes complete with a young Superman, a young Robin, and a young Flash)</li>
<li><b>Adventure Time: </b>Finn will make you laugh!</li>
<li><b>Annoying Orange: </b>This show takes some getting used to, so only watch if you are looking for something VERY different.</li>
<li><b>Regular Show: </b>This show is anything but regular, I should have thought of it sooner.</li>
<li><b>Flapjack</b></li>
<li><b>Courage (the cowardly dog): </b>This show will have you spitting the Cocoa Puffs out your nose!</li>
<li><b>Ed, Edd, and Eddy: </b>This is a favorite of mine. It shows three brothers who are always trying to scheme the neighborhood kids out of their money so that they can buy jawbreakers.</li>
<li><b>Johnny Bravo: </b>Hoo, Haaa! 'Nuff said.</li>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-53635987169730490912012-11-05T01:43:00.000-08:002012-11-05T01:43:00.859-08:00Fuck-it List As I was killing time on the interweb thing today I ran across a blog post about someone's bucket list. Everyone knows what a bucket list is, and the one I ran across was a sad rerun of a thousand I've seen before. It had all the basics from jumping out of perfectly good planes to spending more time with senile parents. In fact, it was so sugary and sappy that I felt a little bit sick to my stomach. It made me think that this subject needed some life breathed into it, so I flipped the concept on its head for my post today. Instead of a list that I hope to accomplish before I croak, I wanted to do a list of things that I would be happy about NEVER doing. I call it .....my <b><u>Fuck-it List</u></b>.<br />
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<li><u><b>A bucket list</b></u>. Let's face it, most of us can't make a good grocery list, much less something this large and thought consuming. Besides, people are busy these days and who needs more things to do?</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Eating weird stuff.</u> If I never end up trying pig penis or deep fried cow balls I could care less. I'll leave that for Fear Factor contestants.</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Climbing a mountain.</u> Unless there is a large amount of money involved there is no reason to climb a mountain, I'll pass, thank you.</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Run a marathon.</u> What are you running for in this day and age? Is there a lion loose from the zoo? No? Then stop running!</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Ride in a hot air balloon.</u> Balloons should be used for creepy clowns and birthdays, nothing else.</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Hang gliding.</u> Who do I look like, Ben Franklin's crazy cousin?</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=noodling" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Noodling.</a></u> (follow the link, opens in new window)</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Go hiking.</u> Hike to the car in the driveway? YES! Hike in nature? NO!</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Go to a parade/Be in a parade.</u> Even the people AT the parade don't look like they're having fun. I won't even watch them on T.V.!</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Build a raft.</u> Since I don't plan on being on Gilligan's Island anytime soon I'll never have to do this.</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Tour Europe.</u> Let's see, the food is bad, they don't like Americans, and it's hard to get a Bud, need I say more?</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Kiss/swim with a dolphin.</u> Did you know that dolphins are one of the horniest mammals on Earth? They also have been seen trying to get it on with other animals like sea turtles and manatees.</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Visit the Great Wall of China.</u> It's a FRIGGIN' wall! How interesting can a long wall really be?</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Swim with sharks.</u> I don't care if Bruce IS a vegetarian, I respectfully decline to meet him for lunch!</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Bungee jumping.</u> Let's see, rubber band baby bouncers are dangerous for kids, but I should trust a stranger's rubber band with my life?</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Go white water rafting.</u> </li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Cliff jumping.</u> When Indians did it they called it "becoming a sacrifice".</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Visit the Grand Canyon.</u> Oh, look, a big hole...what's next?</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Fast.</u> If I'm hungry, I'M EATING!</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Go horseback riding.</u> My nuts hurt just thinking about it!</li>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-53159502422229890632012-11-04T20:21:00.000-08:002012-11-04T20:21:24.631-08:00Funny Jokes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Below you will find some of the internet's newest and funniest jokes. Got a funny and original joke? Feel free to post them here!</span><br />
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Seven Wise Men</span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: black;">Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">created a pussy to their design. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">First was a butcher, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">with smart wit, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">using a knife, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">he gave it a slit, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Second was a carpenter, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">strong and bold, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">with a hammer and chisel, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">he gave it a hole, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Third was a tailor, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">tall and thin, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">by using red velvet, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">he lined it within, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Fourth was a hunter, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">short and stout, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">with a piece of fox fur, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">he lined it without, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Fifth was a fisherman, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">nasty as hell, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">threw in a fish and gave it a smell, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Sixth was a preacher, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">whose name was McGee, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">he touched it and blessed it, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">and said it could pee, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Last was a sailor, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">dirty little runt, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">he sucked it and fucked it, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">and called it a cunt.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;">Flint High School Math Test</span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">1) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">2) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus $800 per day crack habit?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">3) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">4) Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4s, how many more corvettes must he steal to have $900?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">5) Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">* Extra credit question: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money??</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">6) If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet , how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">7) Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">8) Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa with one weeks salary?</span><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><br style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;" /><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">9) Billy steals Joes skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his Magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-81202359723383795012012-11-02T00:26:00.002-07:002012-11-02T02:43:53.370-07:00Customer Service Customer service is supposed to be about making sure that the customer feels good about purchasing a service or product, but in recent years the quality has been steadily declining. Between agents who either don't speak or comprehend English and annoying automated systems the customer service of late even can be downright frustrating. Today I spoke with two companies' customer service departments and the difference couldn't have been clearer. One company did their job to PERFECTION, while the other gave me a HEADACHE. Here are today's experiences:<br />
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<u>HEADACHE</u><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></h4>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">Company: <u>Virgin Mobile</u>.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"> <u>1st call</u>...I called Virgin Mobile from a customer service number I got off their website to get my new phone activated and run into problems from the start. They start their customer service off by making you go through an automated system that ignores your selections. When I say "Customer service", I want customer service, not for the automated system to reply "OK, but maybe I can help" and then repeat the same options again. Then, after saying customer service a couple more times it gets the hint and says it'll be a 5 min. wait. So I wait. After a few minutes the person who answers tells me she has to transfer me to another department, so I wait some more. When the next person finally answer guess who it is...If you answered Apu from the local Kwik E Mart, then your right! So Apu says his name is Adam, (which is close to Apu, but I'm not buying it), and asks for my name, phone number and zip code. I give it to him and he confuses them right away. He mixes the numbers together and I tell his the numbers twice more. After he gets them wrong the third time I told him to let me speak to someone else, which he ignores and asks why. I explain that he obviously doesn't comprehend English and ask for a supervisor or another customer service rep., he begins to argue with me over the language he is speaking. After my requests get ignored twice more for another person I promptly hand up and reach for a cigarette.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"> <u>2nd call</u>...After I gathered myself I called back and waded through the automated part. I go through the first person and get transferred. This time I get Susie (again I'm not buying the name) in what I am assuming is Taiwan. She is nice and understands English, but tells me that I will have to call back from my home phone to be helped. After some discussion I get her to just tell me what to do, which SEEMED simple enough not to warrant a future phone call. Boy, was I wrong!</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"> <u>3rd call</u>...OK, so the directions I got from Susie didn't work so I had to call back. Automated part, check. Transfer, check. This time I get Brian, who has a Southern drawl. We go over the instructions that Susie gave me, which I did correctly, and he says "OK, just a minute". He comes back momentarily and tells me that there was a block on the number and that he removed it, and VIOLA! FINALLY! Now to look up the number for my second call...</span><br />
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<u>PERFECTION</u></h4>
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Company: <u>Amazon.com</u>.<br />
<u>1st call</u>...When looking up the customer service number to call about a problem connecting by bank account I noticed that they had a button that allowed them to call me. Well, it was midnight so I didn't think they would call until the morning but I clicked it anyway. I got a phone call from James in Washington (thanks caller ID!) not two minutes later. I explained the issue to him and after giving my information he said to hold a moment. When he returned seconds later he happily replied that he had fixed the issue and that I was good to go! WOW. The ENTIRE process, from the time I looked up the number, to the time the problem was fixed, was <b><u>less than ten minutes</u></b>. Customer service done right, thanks Amazon!</div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> When all is said and done customer service is all about resolving the customer's concerns as quickly and conveniently as possible. When it is done correctly the consumer will be left with a positive feeling about their choice to continue dealings with the company, which is the ultimate goal. When done incorrectly, the customers disappear. Customer service needs to shy away from complicated and lengthy automated programs and get back to people. It also really helps to have friendly agents who connect culturally with the customer, too.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-15813498828414410272012-10-31T17:55:00.000-07:002012-10-31T17:55:06.905-07:00What is a Ghost?<center>
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What is a Ghost?</h2>
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN <center>
EVERYONE!</center>
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I have seen every type of ghost imaginable tonight! Among them all I was fortunate enough to see the cute little kid ghost, the teenage I-was-too-lazy-to-make-a-costume ghost, and I even saw a slutty ghost! (This is just a pretty chick with a too short sheet on and presumably nothing underneath) I seen so many that I felt the urge to open up a can of worms and ask the ultimate question, "<b>What is a Ghost?</b>" I asked every child, teenager, and parent that came to the door begging for tiny chunks of chocolate and I made them answer before they got their treat! "Tootsie roll for your thoughts?" I said, and these are some of the funnier answers.<br />
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<li>"Ghosts are the bedsheets from my teenage years come back to taunt me."-This funny little nugget came not from the power ranger I asked, but was shot over the shoulder of the un-costumed father as they walked away .</li>
<li>"Ghost are just people faking they're dead."-Now, this wouldn't be funny by itself, but it came from the mouth of the most innocent and tiny princess on the block so I got a giggle out of it.</li>
<li>"Ghosts go Ba-aa-aa"-I think spiderman was either hard of hearing tonight, or eager to move to the next house, so I gave him two pieces and sent him on his merry way.</li>
<li>"Those are my brothers, have you seen them?"- The ninja turtle's mother promptly told me that her two oldest sons were teenage I-was-too-lazy-to-make-a-costume ghosts this year. She was quite angry about her ruined sheets.</li>
<li>"To be a ghost or not to be a ghost, that is the question."-Touche, to the quick witted child dressed as shakespeare, but I asked "what is a ghost?" not "Would you be a ghost?" Good answer though.</li>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-89143064075075592132012-10-30T03:49:00.002-07:002012-10-30T03:49:16.772-07:00How Not To Be A Superhero<center>
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<b>HOW NOT TO BE A SUPERHERO</b></h2>
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Since the beginning of time (or possibly not so far back) superheros have protected the Earth and its inhabitants from every travesty and calamity imaginable. In movies, books and magazines they have stood their ground generation after generation against pesky evil-doers, mad scientists, and my favorite villain the bald guy with a cat that is hellbent on world domination. We all know how the story goes, bad guy does evil thing, then superhero comes in and kicks butt, right? Same old story being re-told a million different ways. While watching the same old superhero movies my A.D.D. kicks in to make it interesting(duck, duck,duck,platypus!), and boy do I have a different take on the situation! I envision all the wonderfully hilarious ways that a superhero could fail his mission. I have wrote a few of these down over the years, and would like to share some with you! Enjoy!<br />
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<li><b>Show up with a retarded costume</b>. <u><a href="http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/03/23/superhero-fails/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">examples</a></u></li>
<li><b>Lose the keys to the superhero ride</b>. (Check the freezer!)</li>
<li><b>Get lost on the way</b>. (A guy never stops to ask for directions, right?)</li>
<li><b>Forget to put on his "special" belt</b>.</li>
<li><b>Forget to pay the red phone/spotlight bill</b>. "I tried to call him, but it went directly to his voice mail WTF?"</li>
<li><b>Show up with his kids</b>. It's his weekend and you know how hard it is to find a good babysitter on short notice! (Even funnier if he shows up with the kids in a stroller because of #2.)</li>
<li><b>Cape woes</b>. He could get wrapped up in the cape, get it caught in a door or elevator, get choked by it, have the wind blow it in his face...The possibilities are endless!</li>
<li><b>Have a lame sidekick that gets in the way more than helps</b>.</li>
<li><b>Side with the villain</b>.</li>
<li><b>Have a lame superpower</b>. There have been several of these over the years including: Dogwelder(who basically went around welding dogs to villains faces), Aqualad (Aquaman's sidekick), and Color Kid (who's main ability was to change the colors of anything)</li>
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*****SHARE YOUR SUPERHERO FAILS BELOW!*****</center>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-21439882581570753642012-10-28T19:22:00.000-07:002012-10-28T19:22:00.412-07:00Fun Ways to mess with Telemarketers<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipiFsUZqqL3vp0dso25dQz7KlsJVJNOonFTtDVOOPVYpQqqJYL0IajVsIdDa2LEJ4UjbzJdD1uuBiLgGd7oUI88iXU8nFvcZfkBQeGcEcGI1Y8FIJ9IoD8L08ys7ftzgomaA93NJJXml8/s1600/ID-10057555.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="telemarketer" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipiFsUZqqL3vp0dso25dQz7KlsJVJNOonFTtDVOOPVYpQqqJYL0IajVsIdDa2LEJ4UjbzJdD1uuBiLgGd7oUI88iXU8nFvcZfkBQeGcEcGI1Y8FIJ9IoD8L08ys7ftzgomaA93NJJXml8/s320/ID-10057555.jpg" title="annoying telemarketer" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net</td></tr>
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Fun Ways To Mess With Telemarketers </h3>
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O.K., so let me start off by stating that not ALL telemarketers are bad. Some of these people are simply trying to make a living selling products or services via a tried and proven method. The problem comes from those companies trying to swindle people, or from rude and unprofessional employees. For the ones that seem to call ALL THE TIME, or are rude, or call and hang up, I like to make a little game out of it. I have come up with a few things that are both fun for me AND piss them off to the point that they quit bothering to call. I win both ways! I figure, why let them get me all bent out of shape when I could turn the whole situation around and get some type of benefit from them. I like to share, and let's face it, why should I have all the fun? So, here are my very own <b>fun ways to mess with telemarketers!</b> <br />
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<li><u><b>Turn The Tables and try to sell them something</b></u>. This is something to do that gets funnier the more creative and wacky you get with it. Try answering the phone as a professional would. Quickly start the conversation off with something really off-beat like "Thank you for calling The Tiny Penis Pump Factory, My name is Jill, how can I direct your call?" If you are male insist on calling yourself a female name like Jill or Barbara, if you are female try names like Bob or Jeremy. This is sure to get them to pause what they were saying, and they may even momentarily forget their pitch. Keep up your sales pitch during the whole phone call, don't barely give them a chance to speak. Just keep telling them about made up products that you ARE SURE they want and are going to purchase. Some of my favorite made up product are clown accessories(wigs, noses, squirting flowers), oversized butt plugs/tiny penis pumps and monogrammed shoelaces. Frequently ask them questions like "So I'll put you down for three cases, right?" Rinse and repeat, but just make sure they hang up first!</li>
<li><u><b>Keep them on hold</b></u>. This is a classic! The way this works best is to try to sound interested in whatever they are selling, but not TOO interested. Then when the time comes for you to pull out the 'ol credit card, put them on hold by telling them you have to go get it. Check in every minute or so with some silly excuse for why you haven't found it yet. I like to tell them things like "I can't find my purse"(I'm a guy), "My mother has the card and I keep her in the basement", or "My wall safe isn't where I put it." The point is to keep them on the phone as long as possible, THEN, at the last minute locate a "card". Tell them It's something weird, like a MasterVisa or Sunoco Platinum and start punching numbers into the phone KEYPAD until they hang up.</li>
<li><u><b>Ask them to call back</b></u>. Now, I know that you are asking yourself how asking them to call back would make them quit calling, seems a bit like an oxymoron huh? Well the WAY you do it is how it works. You need to say something slick enough that they won't want to call back. Try saying things like "Can you call back later, I was watching porn and my hands are all sticky." or "Oh, shit, I forgot the kids in the closet again, you'll have to call back later". Asking if they would call back after hours for some freaky phone sex works well too.</li>
<li><u><b>See how many times you can make them repeat things</b></u>. Every couple of sentences, real polite like, ask them to repeat or clarify what they just said. Sometimes I will even let them get almost all the way through with what they are saying before I tell them I wasn't really listening and ask if they could they start over. After a few minutes of this even the sturdiest of telemarketers will hang up of their own free will.</li>
<li><u><b>Talk Randomness</b></u>. Hey, sometimes when these people call me up I am actually bored and looking to talk to somebody, so that's what I do. I make up dumb stuff to talk about, or just vent about shit that pisses me off. I tell them about my cats and how when the mother cat had her babies on my bed and one was still born and she ate it... and about how the neighbor's dog barks all fucking night and all that prick seems to do is stick his fat head out the window and shout at it, making it worse...and about how when I woke up this morning my back hurt even though I hadn't done anything yet, bla, bla, bla. I JUST DON'T SHUT UP. At some point they say that they have to go, and I win!</li>
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I am sure there are plenty of <b>fun ways to mess with telemarketers, </b>and these are just the first few that jumped into my mind. If you have some other ways that you like to mess with them, let me know! I look forward to seeing some new stuff!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-62050006275979255422012-10-27T15:38:00.002-07:002012-11-01T22:22:12.309-07:00Things I Wish Were Real According to <a href="http://whatthetrend.com/top10" target="_blank">Whatthetrend.com </a> one of the top ten things that are trending on twitter these days is the topic "<b>The top ten things I wish were real</b>". It has been climbing the charts since the beginning of the month and now sits at the #8 spot on the chart. I like popular trends just as much as the next person, so I decided to put my two cents in the mix. Of course I am all about being original, so I took the topic and put my own little spin magic on it. I shortened the list to the top three things, and since nobody else was doing it, added the "why".<br />
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<li> <b>Perching at the top of my lengthy list would be</b> <b><u>DRAGONS</u></b>.</li>
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Now, I know what you are thinking.."Why dragons?" First of all, dragons wouldn't be flying around burning villages and capturing virgins or anything. We would be able to see them in the zoos or maybe in a depressing circus show. Of course they would be like most American pets today and be spayed/neutered, de-clawed, de-fanged, broken spirited, lesser versions of themselves. But wouldn't it be cool? <b>Or</b> what if we domesticated them and had "dragon farms"? We could raise cows, then feed them to the dragons to fatten them up! Imagine how much meat a DRAGON would provide! Dragon steaks on the grill for 4th of July anyone? Mmm, tastes like chicken!<br />
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<li> <b>Next up, <u>MONEY TREES</u>!</b></li>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">Yes, Money trees! What would the world as we know it be like with ACTUAL money trees? You would think that life would be easier and that everyone would have one in their front yard, but alas, that wouldn't be the case. We are a greedy society, so I think that some fat cat would come along and corner the money tree seed market. Then Congress would pass regulations on the production, transportation, and sales of these wonderful evergreens. They would probably make it illegal. We would then have people growing them in patches on Government land, or with hydroponics in their attics and garages. People would start smuggling money trees across borders to satisfy the money tree demand, and we would have to start "THE WAR ON MONEY TREES". Come to think of it, I take it back. I'm glad money trees aren't real!</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span>Lastly, those beloved little green fellows....<u>MARTIANS</u>!</li>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">Say goodbye to the National deficit and every nation's money woes. Could you imagine the FREE TRADE AGREEMENT we could negotiate with a people who have exactly ZERO natural resources? Of course, this also means that they would have nothing to pay us with...They could become the new China, though. Imagine how cheap the workforce would be! Are you ready for MADE ON MARS labels?</span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">*Remember to share this posts with your friends to see what they come up with!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-30890483176489065052012-10-26T17:44:00.000-07:002012-10-26T17:44:13.441-07:00Top 5 Reasons I Hate Politics/Politicians It seems that whoever I talk to these days has something to say about the politician they like, about how great or smart he is and how he is going to fix all of America's problems. I am more of a "cup-half-empty" type of guy, so I usually start in on the reasons why I DISLIKE their preferred politician (or ANY politician for that matter). I have had so many conversations like this lately that it got me thinking...What are the TOP 5 REASONS I HATE POLITICS AND POLITICIANS? So I grabbed my thinking cap, did some brainstorming, and this is what I come up with:<br />
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<li>They Lie. <span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">Politicians tell the public what they think we want to hear. It doesn't matter what the topic is, if they think it will help them get into office, THEY WILL SAY IT.</span></li>
<li>They are out of touch. <span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">Most politicians have been wealthy for so long that they forget about how hard it actually is for the average American to obtain even the most basic needs.</span></li>
<li>They are greedy. <span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">Let's face it, a lot of these politicians only get into public service to further their own agendas and pad their own bank accounts. If a law can profit them in some way it will have a better chance of being passed.</span></li>
<li>Most are Shady. <span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">It is all over the news stations about how these individuals hide how much they are making or the deals they have been making so Americans won't find out. They are anything but transparent with their own lives, but want to meddle in yours.</span></li>
<li>Most Have an Elitist Quality About Them. <span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">They believe that they are better than most people, so they should be making the decisions. Some of these guys don't even know what the current minimum wage is, and when they are told they are ASTOUNDED. </span></li>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-80154380453916233382012-10-25T18:34:00.000-07:002012-10-26T18:25:51.505-07:00Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media2.abcactionnews.com//photo/2012/10/24/mystery_monkey_capturee1a83f24-3cd9-4335-8466-33e3266c73520000_20121024172254_640_480.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Mystery Monkey In Jail" border="0" height="240" src="http://media2.abcactionnews.com//photo/2012/10/24/mystery_monkey_capturee1a83f24-3cd9-4335-8466-33e3266c73520000_20121024172254_640_480.JPG" title="Mystery Monkey Is Caught" width="320" /></a></div>
For those of you who have been in a cave for the past few years, there has been a monkey on the loose in Tampa Bay. The monkey is generally shy and reports of sightings had popped up every so often across Pinellas county. Now they have caught the mischievous little fellow, and are saying it is for his own good. But is it really? I mean, I could see if the thing had bitten somebody, or was frequently seen in roads or something, but that wasn't the case. People often caught a small glimpse of the creature as it scurried through the yard or over a fence, mostly in rural areas. To me the mystery monkey wasn't a threat to either people or their pets, and just because he was being seen outside of his "normal" habitat we decided to spend time and money to hunt him down and put him in a cage, phooey! We have more important things to do with our time and money. We should have just let him be.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2707570076012335324.post-22842641898029537232012-10-25T17:05:00.001-07:002012-10-25T17:05:49.800-07:00Kids get concussions playing football I watched a news story this morning where they were discussing 5 kids who got concussions playing football, all in one game. The discussion veered a little off, however, when the reporters started to suggest that either kids' contact sports be banned or extra safety precautions be taken. Their main suggestion was that a trained medical staff be present during practice and games. This got me to thinking, how many of these rich schools ACTUALLY have the funding available to hire a medical team, when the schools that my sons go to CAN'T EVEN AFFORD an ART or MUSIC TEACHER! And what does it mean for those schools that cannot afford the extra staff? Are we going to ban contact sports for these schools, only to let the rich play? BAH! What's next people? Do we need to put in escalators so kids don't fall down steps? How about taking away pencils so nobody accidentally pokes themselves? Should we rip up all the concrete walkways so there are no skinned knees? Let's face the facts. Contact sports can be dangerous, and accidents do sometimes happen, but banning or over-regulating them is just plain silly!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03538823728267020962noreply@blogger.com0