Tuesday, October 30, 2012

How Not To Be A Superhero


     Since the beginning of time (or possibly not so far back) superheros have protected the Earth and its inhabitants from every travesty and calamity imaginable. In movies, books and magazines they have stood their ground generation after generation against pesky evil-doers, mad scientists, and my favorite villain the bald guy with a cat that is hellbent on world domination. We all know how the story goes, bad guy does evil thing, then superhero comes in and kicks butt, right? Same old story being re-told a million different ways. While watching the same old superhero movies my A.D.D. kicks in to make it interesting(duck, duck,duck,platypus!), and boy do I have a different take on the situation! I envision all the wonderfully hilarious ways that a superhero could fail his mission. I have wrote a few of these down over the years, and would like to share some with you! Enjoy!

  1. Show up with a retarded costume. examples
  2. Lose the keys to the superhero ride. (Check the freezer!)
  3. Get lost on the way. (A guy never stops to ask for directions, right?)
  4. Forget to put on his "special" belt.
  5. Forget to pay the red phone/spotlight bill. "I tried to call him, but it went directly to his voice mail WTF?"
  6. Show up with his kids. It's his weekend and you know how hard it is to find a good babysitter on short notice! (Even funnier if he shows up with the kids in a stroller because of #2.)
  7. Cape woes. He could get wrapped up in the cape, get it caught in a door or elevator, get choked by it, have the wind blow it in his face...The possibilities are endless!
  8. Have a lame sidekick that gets in the way more than helps.
  9. Side with the villain.
  10. Have a lame superpower. There have been several of these over the years including: Dogwelder(who basically went around welding dogs to villains faces), Aqualad (Aquaman's sidekick), and Color Kid (who's main ability was to change the colors of anything)

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